So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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