Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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