Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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