Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
