I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
