Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
