i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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