I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
