On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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