I'm really into asian looking animals
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
