I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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