hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
