At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
