I just made out with a guy for $7.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
