I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize