My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
