Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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