You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
