You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
