Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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