she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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