Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
