Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
