i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
