I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
