If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
too bad you live with your parents still
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
