You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
