I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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