id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
