I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize