My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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