i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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