Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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