We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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