Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
