ugly people sure do ruin things
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
third nipple confirmed
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
