I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize