Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's on the porch naked. Help.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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