Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Im part way to drunk.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
