i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
