Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
