There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
