Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize