I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
