I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
