I showed him my bush... on skype.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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