we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
