You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
