I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
