So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
