I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize