One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
