dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
How many fucks given?
0.12846
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