im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
