We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
