I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
