Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
