Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
