there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
