I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
