Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
