just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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