dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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