We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
