Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
