I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
