if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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