the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
