I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
