I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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