He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
