I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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