Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
