thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
