I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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