I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
