Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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