Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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