is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
